In fact I don't even hate working out.
What I HATE is getting started.
Figuring out what I'm going to do. Finding the time to do it. Getting dressed to do it. ACTUALLY STARTING IT.
The fatigue doesn't help. MS fatigue isn't the same as being a tired Mommy. For me - I guess it's more like having the flu. Where every part of your body is heavy and weak. Taking a full breath is an effort, and joints are telling you that there is absolutely no lubrication available. It has nothing to do with the amount of sleep you're getting. Honestly there are days I'd like to punch someone in the nose for suggesting it's that simple, but I'd be embarrassed to show just how drained I am by the cartoon noodle flail that would come from the attempt.
Yes exercise would help. . . eventually. But the first few weeks are not going to be pretty.
About two weeks ago the fatigue became a serious issue. I was doing my required penance in my son's preschool class, and about half way through, it hit. I've since come across the MS/Punching Bag analogy. http://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/ms-punching-bag/ And that's very much what it was like. Like I'd been blind-sided by a heavy bag I didn't even know was in the room. If you've ever been in a bouncy-house obstacle course for any length of time you've probably felt it. You're having a good time and "WHAM" something slams into you and you're flopping like a fish with your head spinning and no ability you get yourself upright. Except instead of trying to catch myself on sticky rubberized canvas I was propping myself up in the teacher's rocking chair while my head spun and rolled. I did my best to smile and not look like death until it was time to go, and then I flopped into bed and passed out till the older son got out of school. Whereupon, since I woke feeling so refreshed I told the BF that I would take the 8 minute walk to get him.
It didn't go well. The next day wasn't much better.
After a few days of feeling so drained I wouldn't have been surprised to look in the mirror only to find the muscles had melted to the point I looked like a shar-pei I sent an email to the Doctor. A week later I was walking out of Kaiser with a new drug and new puncture wounds. And so far it seems to be working. I feel like I'd been trying to function with a wet comforter draped over me (and wrapped around my brain) and it's been removed. . . right up till about 3 o'clock when it wears off.
Anyway, the point was that I'm doing better and the thought of spending energy on a workout doesn't make me want to cry. Now all I have to do is find the motivation to get started. Anyone out there got human jumper cables? Or a time machine - if I can hop a couple weeks in the future and see myself surviving that should do the trick.
No comments:
Post a Comment